memorial | revrannulf

22 Sep 2015

Jessica’s Prayer – by Naomi Kirstein 9/11/2015

As I was wrestling with what to pray during Jessica’s memorial service, I thought again about the night of her younger sister Rebecca’s birth.

When Rebecca was born, I was privileged to have the task of coming to get Jessica when Mom and Dad were ready to go to the hospital.

I went to visit Jessica a few weeks before the birth to talk through the details with her. I did not want her to be afraid when I came to pick her up. I explained it might be in the morning. It might be in the afternoon, or night, or even in the middle of the night. She would need to pack her suitcase so that she was ready to go. She sat attentively on the couch listening as if she was picturing the possible scenarios. After the brief conversation I asked her if she had any questions. No. And off she went to play.

One night soon after we talked, the phone rang: “It’s show time!”

“On my way,” I said as I got up from the chair.

“Oh and so are the Medics. We might have this baby on the kitchen floor!”

“Oh OH! I’ll be right over!”

When the time came, it was not at all how I had envisioned it! As I drove to their house I prayed and hoped that Jessica would not be scared by all the commotion that must be going on in the house as Medics arrived and her mom was in the final stage of labor.

I walked down the hallway to the bedroom to wake her.

She rubbed her eyes, and saw it was me. She looked up with her big blue eyes, “Is it time to go now?” as if she had practiced the line.

“Yes.” I softly said.

She crawled out of bed, pointed to her suitcase and reached up for my hand. She calmly walked by the EMT’s.., firemen.., strangers streaming through the front door.

Jessica calmly held my hand past flashing lights on fire trucks in the driveway and sirens in the distance. She reached her arms around my neck without hesitation as I bent over to pick her up and securely place her in the back seat of my car so that I could take her away from the “emergency” and swirl of activity.

As I pictured this again in my mind again a few nights ago, a deep hunch settled in……. I wondered if this was how she crossed over. It is not how we plan our leaving, but life has its way with us…… the timeline of our experience here on earth can be broken at any moment.

I see her rubbing her eyes as the hand of Grace comes to her. She knows what to do. It is time. The inner compass has been honed throughout her life by the love of parents, step parents, a history of faith stories and people who have been a part of her support and friendships. She reaches out and holds the hand of Grace who carries her across the threshold to the reality of a new way of being.

After the hunch came I knew where to find the “prayers of the people” for her memorial. I went to her Facebook page.

In a culture that tends to give a polite nod to creation, Jessica was an exception. There are few selfies of Jessica on her face book page; she understood deep in her bones that she was not the center of her universe. With her camera, she documented what meant the most to her in life such as family, friends, the sky (stars, meteor showers and rain storms), flowers, butterflies, hummingbirds, marching bands, drum lines, jazz, rock and roll, faith, and Christmas. How we live is how we pray. It seems we can learn to pray authentically from Jessica’s camera lens on life; about what is essential to living in the midst of chaos, beauty, and connections.

And so, tonight I will use the lens of Jessica’s camera, “her photos she shared on Facebook” and the hundreds of comments about her kindness, to shape our prayers for the living. When I am finished with each request I will say, “O Lord, help us pay attention” and I invite you to repeat that same phrase. “O Lord, Help us to pay attention.”

Prayer:

Leader: God of Love and Grace, we are here because we are alive and being called by the gentle presence of Jessica’s life to wake up. We ask for forgiveness when we rush through our lives and fail to see the large as well as intricate beauty of your creation. We ask forgiveness for times we do not express and appreciate the love we share with friends, family. We ask forgiveness for times we are too busy to be kind, too focused on our success to pay attention to the stranger, the misfit, and the beauty that shows up at our doorstep.